Posts tagged "oh no an actual post regarding things I am passionate about"
yelyahwilliams:

incredible-posts:

Words For Teenagers - 1959
the best pics blog

Last paragraph


"your town does not owe you recreational facilities" is one of the shittiest stances to take on community supports though, like seriously. you want something out of the teenagers in your community? then be willing to back the need for accessible social programming. yeah, it’s all well and good for college principals and judges to sit around and tell teens to find something constructive to do at home, when odds are that they’re living in neighbourhoods made up of families living well above the poverty line, but the reality is that children and teens from families of lower socioeconomic status benefit from access to social supports (and we shouldn’t be stigmatizing their involvement in them).
it’s a real bush league move to frame it as if teenagers just need to take initiative to get involved in something, when you’re not offering anything for them to be a part of. you want teenagers to act responsibly? then help offer them something to be responsible for.

yelyahwilliams:

incredible-posts:

Words For Teenagers - 1959

the best pics blog

Last paragraph

"your town does not owe you recreational facilities" is one of the shittiest stances to take on community supports though, like seriously. you want something out of the teenagers in your community? then be willing to back the need for accessible social programming. yeah, it’s all well and good for college principals and judges to sit around and tell teens to find something constructive to do at home, when odds are that they’re living in neighbourhoods made up of families living well above the poverty line, but the reality is that children and teens from families of lower socioeconomic status benefit from access to social supports (and we shouldn’t be stigmatizing their involvement in them).

it’s a real bush league move to frame it as if teenagers just need to take initiative to get involved in something, when you’re not offering anything for them to be a part of. you want teenagers to act responsibly? then help offer them something to be responsible for.

(via lukethighwalker--deactivated201)

1612th:

it makes me so uncomfortable when people swear at their parents like i would get straight up beaten if i told my mom to shut the fuck up

it makes me so uncomfortable when people casually normalize child abuse and corporal punishment

(via deral33k)

stigs-journey:

eloquentvibes:

ladyatheist:

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

goldenphoenixgirl:

EVERYONE needs to know this. This is how nearly all abusive relationships play out, nearly all of the time. It’s very, very common and very important. 

Bear in mind that “violent outbursts” can also mean mental/verbal abuse, shoving or holding someone down, throwing things at the person or threats.

Usually, this cycle worsens and worsens throughout the relationship. The violent episodes last longer and longer and the honeymoon phase gets shorter or may disappear completely, leaving the relationship bouncing back and forth between tension and explosions. 

Please reblog if you think your readers could be helped by this?

I am reblogging this because if I had seen a chart like this in high school I could have recognized my abusive relationship for what it was. And this goes for almost every woman I have ever encountered that has been in an abusive relationship.

This is my 2 months long relationship with one of my exes. Emotional abuse/honeymoon/tension.

I think it’s worth adding that this is often referred to as the “cycle of abuse,” whereas “cycle of violence” often refers to intergenerational violence, but it’s still important information to have. 

(Source: theresalwaysalwayssomething, via ceedling)

"[TW: domestic violence, abuse] The other question everybody asks is, why doesn’t she just leave? Why didn’t I walk out? I could have left any time. To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask, because we victims know something you usually don’t: It’s incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser. Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is kill her. Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she’s gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, even after the abuser remarries; denial of financial resources; and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children, who are regularly forced by family court judges to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. And still we ask, why doesn’t she just leave?"

“Why domestic violence victims don’t leave” -  Leslie Morgan Steiner  (via eaaao)

Read the comments on almost any story about a woman who was attacked/killed by partner, and I 100% guarantee you will see one that implies that the victim is at fault for not leaving or not leaving sooner. DON’T BLAME THE VICTIM.

(via stfuconservatives)

I feel like I constantly see people talk about leaving/staying as if it’s a choice that people in abusive relationships make, and it’d be really chill if we could all acknowledge that the ability to make a choice requires you not only to have options to begin with, but that you also have the privilege of a safe space in which to make them. 

(Source: childofweakness, via ceedling)

thedarklawyer:

I don’t mean to dishonor the other stories here. But there is one I wanted to add.
A good portion of my pro-bono work is defending abused children. It’s a cause close to my heart.  In the course of my work I met a man who was an adult survivor. You wouldn’t have known it looking at him. He was this gigantic Polynesian guy. Wild curly hair. I think of him every time I see Khal Drogo on GoT. He was counseling some of the little kids, and doing a fantastic job of it.
I visited his home to get his opinion on something and I noticed a little toy on his desk. It was Trolley. Naturally curious, I asked him about it.
This is what he told me:
“The most dangerous time for me was in the afternoon when my mother got tired and irritable. Like clockwork. Now, she liked to beat me in discreet places so my father wouldn’t see the bruises. That particular day she went for the legs. Not uncommon for her. I was knocked down and couldn’t get back up. Also not uncommon. She gave me one last kick, the one I had come to learn meant ‘I’m done now’. Then she left me there upstairs, face in the carpet, alone. I tried to get up, but couldn’t. So I dragged myself, arm over arm, to the television, climbed up the tv cabinet and turned on the tv. 
“And there was Mr. Rogers. It was the end of the show and he was having a quiet, calm conversation with those hundreds of kids. In that moment, he seemed to look me in the eye when he said ‘And I like you just for being you’. In that moment, it was like he was reaching across time and space to say these words to me when I needed them most.
“It was like the hand of god, if you’re into that kind of thing. It hit me in the soul. I was a miserable little kid. I was sure I was a horrible person. I was sure I deserved every last moment of abuse, every blow, every bad name. I was sure I earned it, sure I didn’t deserve better. I *knew* all of these things … until that moment. If this man, who I hadn’t even met, liked me just for being me, then I couldn’t be all bad. Then maybe someone could love me, even if it wasn’t my mom.
“It gave me hope. If that nice man liked me, then I wasn’t a monster. I was worth fighting for. From that day on, his words were like a secret fortress in my heart. No matter how broken I was, no matter how much it hurt or what was done to me, I could remember his words, get back on my feet, and go on for another day.
“That’s why I keep Trolley there. To remind me that, no matter how terrible things look, someone who had never met me liked me just for being me, and that makes even the worst day worth it to me. I know how stupid it sounds, but Mr. Rogers saved my life.”
The next time I saw him, he was talking to one of my little clients. When they were done with their session, he helped her out of her chair, took both of her hands, looked her in the eyes and said: “And remember, I like you just for being you.” 
That, to me, is Mr. Rogers’ most powerful legacy. All of the little lives he changed and made better with simple and sincere words of love and kindness.

thedarklawyer:

I don’t mean to dishonor the other stories here. But there is one I wanted to add.

A good portion of my pro-bono work is defending abused children. It’s a cause close to my heart.  In the course of my work I met a man who was an adult survivor. You wouldn’t have known it looking at him. He was this gigantic Polynesian guy. Wild curly hair. I think of him every time I see Khal Drogo on GoT. He was counseling some of the little kids, and doing a fantastic job of it.

I visited his home to get his opinion on something and I noticed a little toy on his desk. It was Trolley. Naturally curious, I asked him about it.

This is what he told me:

“The most dangerous time for me was in the afternoon when my mother got tired and irritable. Like clockwork. Now, she liked to beat me in discreet places so my father wouldn’t see the bruises. That particular day she went for the legs. Not uncommon for her. I was knocked down and couldn’t get back up. Also not uncommon. She gave me one last kick, the one I had come to learn meant ‘I’m done now’. Then she left me there upstairs, face in the carpet, alone. I tried to get up, but couldn’t. So I dragged myself, arm over arm, to the television, climbed up the tv cabinet and turned on the tv. 

“And there was Mr. Rogers. It was the end of the show and he was having a quiet, calm conversation with those hundreds of kids. In that moment, he seemed to look me in the eye when he said ‘And I like you just for being you’. In that moment, it was like he was reaching across time and space to say these words to me when I needed them most.

“It was like the hand of god, if you’re into that kind of thing. It hit me in the soul. I was a miserable little kid. I was sure I was a horrible person. I was sure I deserved every last moment of abuse, every blow, every bad name. I was sure I earned it, sure I didn’t deserve better. I *knew* all of these things … until that moment. If this man, who I hadn’t even met, liked me just for being me, then I couldn’t be all bad. Then maybe someone could love me, even if it wasn’t my mom.

“It gave me hope. If that nice man liked me, then I wasn’t a monster. I was worth fighting for. From that day on, his words were like a secret fortress in my heart. No matter how broken I was, no matter how much it hurt or what was done to me, I could remember his words, get back on my feet, and go on for another day.

“That’s why I keep Trolley there. To remind me that, no matter how terrible things look, someone who had never met me liked me just for being me, and that makes even the worst day worth it to me. I know how stupid it sounds, but Mr. Rogers saved my life.”

The next time I saw him, he was talking to one of my little clients. When they were done with their session, he helped her out of her chair, took both of her hands, looked her in the eyes and said: “And remember, I like you just for being you.” 

That, to me, is Mr. Rogers’ most powerful legacy. All of the little lives he changed and made better with simple and sincere words of love and kindness.

(via bluelunchbox)

How do I know if I'm in an abusive relationship?

hex-girlfriend:

Abusive relationships don’t start out that way. Most abusive relationships start out with candy and flowers, courting and romance—basically, a “normal” relationship. The abusive slips in, slowly and maliciously. It may not seem so obvious to the person in the relationship that things are getting out of hand because they have slowly progressed to that point over time.

It can be hard to determine if you’re in an abusive relationship because it can be hard to see the behaviors for what they really are.  It’s common for the recipient of the abuse to make excuses for the abuser’s behavior or they may simply deem it as a normal part of the relationship.

You might be in an abusive relationship if:

  1. You’re afraid to break up with them because they make or imply threats
  2. You feel tied down, like you have to check-in or account for your whereabouts
  3. You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects because the other person gets too mad
  4. You are afraid to contradict them
  5. You tell yourself if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will get better
  6. You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy—regardless of if you feel comfortable doing it or not.
  7. You feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time.
  8. You find the physical, verbal, mental or emotional abuse is getting worse over time.
  9. Your partner threatens to physically harm you and/or follows through on those threats.
  10. You are being cut off from family members and friends more and more because your partner doesn’t want you to have contact with them.
  11. You partner makes decisions about where to go or what to do with little or no input from you.
  12. You are being belittled and called names when the two of you are alone or in public.
  13. You are being embarrassed and humiliated in front of others, or your partner talks about you as if you are not there.
  14. You are having sex that is forced or rougher than you prefer.
  15. You are prevented from having access to your own money or the family’s money
  16. Money is used to control and manipulate you
  17. Your partner minimizes the abuse, tells you it didn’t happen or that you are crazy
  18. You are feeling intimidated by your partner when they hit objects, abuse pets, brandish weapons, or verbally threaten you
  19. Your partner dictates who you can see and when you can see them.
  20. Your partner routinely looks through your Internet history, your phone’s contacts, texts, and recent call lists.

If any of your friends have expressed concern that the relationship you’re in may be unhealthy, it’s not a bad idea to go through and honestly evaluate the relationship—outside observers may see the behaviors differently than you do.

If you are feeling this way in your relationship, talk to someone. Call a hotline. Talk to a friend or family member you can trust. See a counselor or mental health provider.  We have a great list of hotline numbers available that are aimed specifically at domestic abuse.  The National Domestic Violence website has some other great resources.

Love should never be about fear or anxiety.  It’s not your fault, and you deserve somebody who will love and respect you always.

(via )

descentefacile:

87daysbefore:

gummabearrr:

cityyandcolour:

mrgolightly:

CNN grieves that guilty verdict ruined ‘promising’ lives of Steubenville rapists

This is just irresponsible journalism. The correspondents don’t even comment on how much of a lasting effect this will have on the victim. Side-eyeing the fuck out of you right now, CNN.

this is fucking ridiculous. Their lives fell apart? who gives a fuck that they broke down and cried? They’re only crying because they got caught. What about the victim and what she has to live through for the rest of her life?

and they should suffer for their actions, i hate this sympathy.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I only made it to the part about Ma’lik Richmond’s dad telling him he loved him before I had to stop the video. How is that important? How is that fucking appropriate? How are you seriously going to try to tell me that an even remotely relevant part of this verdict, this trial, this entire fucking case is the rapist’s deadbeat dad?

Really though, it’s like they’re forgetting that not only did these mouthbreathers dub themselves as a “rape crew,” but they specifically targeted the victim because she didn’t want to date one of them anymore. They went out of their way to involve people she trusted, to manipulate her into going to that party, in order to create a situation where she’d be most vulnerable. They legitimately sat around and maliciously coordinated a step by step plan of how to trick her, take away her right (and ability) to consent, rape her, and then further victimize her by sending naked pictures of her to their friends, all because she had the audacity to tell one of them to kick rocks. But, you know, they totally didn’t know it was rape and we should all sympathize with these model citizens, right?

Also, it’s seriously objective journalism at its finest when the convicted rapists are repeatedly referred to as “high school football stars” and the victim’s only descriptor is “allegedly drunk.”

(via kimtaehyungah)

"Relationships are complicated, and it can take a woman more than one attempt to leave an abuser. But if any woman who goes back is told that she has forfeited sympathy and can be written off with mockery—that the whole thing is now an amusing spectacle—then we’ll end up with more dead women."

Amy Davidson on Seth MacFarlane’s Rihanna joke

(via ceedling)

(Source: newyorker.com, via ceedling)

adrianalikestea:

vastderp:

Ruby Wax on mental illness, [x].

motherfucking SLAM.

and just in case you aren’t sad enough, here are a couple of brain scans showing differences between the brains of two children of equivalent ages.

image

image

The experience of being abused and deprived of stimulation permanently and physicially alters the developing brain of a child in significant measurable ways that we do not have the science yet to repair after the damage is discovered.

It sounds very odd, but, in fact, when you are an infant and your brain is developing, the love that the people around you give, the touch, the eye contact, the tone of voice, the things, the physical manifestations of our love literally provide stimulation to the developing brain, and the neurons in the brain have more sprouts.  They make certain areas connect more effectively.  They make certain areas grow.  They literally make the brain become functional.

 Love literally grows the brain.
[x]

The kid whose head is wired by neglect or abuse is going to have a difficult life in a world his brain was not built to interact with. Maybe he’ll get in trouble with the law, have emotional problems and act out or become abusive to his loved ones, or maybe he’ll just spin his wheels and feel empty and wonder why (as many people will no doubt have asked him outright over his years) he can’t just try harder to get over it.

Massive amounts of therapy will help later, but that’s assuming he isn’t too ashamed to get it or turned away thanks to our bullshit for-profit healthcare system.

Mind over matter is bullshit if the matter is your mind. 

http://unitedwayrivercities.org/brainBuilder.html

http://annecarolinedrake.com/2011/10/14/shout-out-anderson-cooper-is-shining-a-spotlight-on-abuse-and-the-power-of-love/

http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/300386/681/Abused-or-neglected-kids-more-likely-to-have-impaired-body-and-brain

(via oblivionshotel)

"I mean, I can remember — when you’re a smart kid, or you’re just a very sensitive kid, and you have a lot that you need to say that’s very important to you, people don’t really take you seriously — I can remember being so frustrated, just constantly to the point of tears. I think the thing that I said most in my life for the first ten years was ‘Just listen to me. Listen.’ And even when I say that now, I always have a little flashback from those years, because I had so much trouble being taken seriously. I can remember people saying, ‘You’re twelve, Fiona,’ and just disregarding everything I had to say. All of my very deep, intense, serious worries and fears and wonders were just kind of disregarded because I was a kid and I was crazy and I was weird."
— Fiona Apple (via fionahaswings)

(via garbagesauce)

tw domestic abuse

allinom:

if you oversimplify abusive relationships and judge women for returning hey guess what
you’re a shitbag
fuck off

(via angelictechno)

I’m actually starting to trip out a little bit over how much fun it’s going to be to spend my last four months as a student in an organization that bases all their policies and procedures on a framework of feminist ideals. Do you know how cool it is to sit in on staff meetings where a room full of badass women not only acknowledge, but also openly discuss the effects of patriarchal society and who then go on to brainstorm the best ways to make sure their practices are intersectional? I am really stoked on my life right now. 

(Source: , via abortionista)

"[TW: severe abuse] Anita Posey was a dedicated caseworker for children at the Dept. of Social Services for 20 years. Her boyfriend was a drug addict and de aler, and an extremely violent man. She had black eyes, a fractured nose, broken tooth and lips, three cracked ribs, and other injuries over the years. She shot him in defense of her baby, after he had thrown the baby at the wall. The court wrongfully convicted and sentenced her, stating that she had time to think between the time her boyfriend threw the baby and the time she picked up the gun “60 to 90 seconds” and unjustly called it premeditated."

The Michigan Women’s Justice & Clemency Project

because i’m just fucking sick and tired of everybody wanting to “talk” about and “complicate” yet another fucking murdering man’s life and history—I decided to highlight the women of Michigan who are currently in prison/serving life sentences for murdering abusive male partners and/or committing crimes under threat of abuse by male partners.

Anita Posey struck me as particularly important to highlight because her case points to exactly how fucked up the situation is for mothers in particular—do you know HOW many fucking women I’ve spotlighted/done stories on through the fucking YEARS who have been imprisoned for 20 yrs, some times life, because they *didn’t* “defend” their children? Do you know how many women are sitting in prison right now for the crime of being abused by their partner and not being able to stop their partner from abusing their children?

and yet, a woman kills the man who has beat her WHILE he’s hurting her children—and she STILL winds up in prison.

THESE WOMEN are the people who we DESPERATLY need to understand. along with the cultural mentality in the US that expects women to not only stop men from raping them and beating them, but also expects them to stop men from abusing the kids—while ALL OF SOCIETY STANDS BY AND WATCHES.

(via illegalplumpudding)

(via no-soy-jason-bourne)

"[TW: ABUSE] If your response to an abusive relationship is “well, I would just leave,” then you are part of the problem. Victims are often financially dependent on their abusers, physically fucking terrified of them, have children or others dependent on them who they can’t leave, they might have a desire to try and keep the family together for the sake of the children, as well as often being very emotionally attached to their abusers. Abusers KNOW how to manipulate people."
— Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Abuse [x] (via grrrlfever)

(Source: lesbolution, via angelictechno)

planet-dont-panic:

crowcrow:

“How Slut Shaming Becomes Victim Blaming” (via Chescaleigh)
Inspired by Laci Green and Hayley G Hoover, I decided to share my own slut shame story.
Trigger warning: This video talks about date rape.

this is so important. 

This applies to anyone who was raped regardless of gender identity or type of assault. It is never your fault.

"You can be the ‘perfect’ person and still get raped. It would be not be your fault. The same way you could make tons of ‘bad’ decisions and engage in risky behaviour on a daily basis and if someone rapes you, it is the rapist’s fault, not yours."

(Source: chescaleigh, via deadxjournal)